Sometimes -- most of the time, I feel completely ridiculous. I have too many white people lifestyle/design photos on my Instagram feed. I want to unfollow them all. But I am addicted to looking at these beautiful images of perfection and privilege -- things that I can only aspire to, things that I will never have. Never is a word that I've been trying to come to terms with these past few weeks. I must learn to live with never, and be okay with that, as in truly okay, without bitterness or despair. I was telling Imo how I liked to look at my own photos on Instagram, because they make it seem like we are so happy, and he said, "Aren't we?" Alright. I suppose we are. We are.
What a nightmare. April and I thought we would swim out to the platform, a sort-of buoy, about 50 meters from shore. We had done it the day before when the tide was high and the sea was far more disturbed. So we thought it would be easier when the tide was low. How baffling that the platform was moving away from us even as we tried to swim closer to it. And when I saw April behind me struggling, I knew that the tide was pulling us -- and not the platform -- away. I hollered to the boat man / life guard who came to get us in this boat. We got a lecture on the tides and undercurrents. Thank god we had life jackets! Since then I haven't stopped reminding April, "We were almost lost at sea!" But she thinks it was all part of the adventure.