1.21.2015
all three of my kids are prone to bloody noses. i am constantly having to deal with bloody laundry, which is upsetting to me because i can never truly get the damned spots out. in this house, we don't keep more than three changes of bed linens, and i keep thinking about just throwing out and replacing the stained ones. however, i know that this is not a real solution, as the kids will just bloody the new sheets. (i must say, for the record, though, that the two girls have been better at anticipating the bloody nose and grabbing a tissue before it drips. not much luck with the boy.)
some days, this bothers me more than usual -- all the little ugly things that i must deal with every day. i see them everywhere: clumped up hair and dust in corners, mold on the bathroom ceiling, dried up grease on the kitchen walls. and i think of all the invisible people who take care of all these invisible things for others. how the rest of us go through our lives, taking for granted that it's someone's job to fix what is messy or broken or dirty, that life is not naturally or automatically clean and orderly and as it should be.
1.26.2015
I was having a great day. I received Malacañan Palace’s acceptance of my letter of resignation (in shabbier paper than my letter of appointment) which would have been the perfect closure to that chapter of my life. Unfortunately, I also received Notices of Suspension from The Commission on Audit regarding some cash advances in my name, particularly for a lunch meeting with Bangladesh officials, and airline fees for a colleague’s excess baggage during an official trip to Iloilo (that did not include me). The amount of paper depressed me. Reports will have to be generated to square a few figures. Let me say again, how depressing. Surely by now it is obvious, especially in the light of exposed corruption in the government, that more paperwork is not the answer? It wears me down — remembering what I had to deal with as a bureaucrat. Well, guess what? I hear the NBDB is hiring people including my replacement. If you are optimistic and believe you can make a difference, send them your resume.
