after only a short introduction on monday, today's large format photography class had us practicing loading film into the film holder with our eyes closed (in preparation for doing it in total darkness), setting up the view camera -- an antique-looking beast with bellows and a cable release and a curtain -- and taking a few portraits, then processing in the darkroom. it was pretty intimidating, to get to work right away without being given the time to properly find one's bearings, but i suppose the best way to learn really is to just do. the last time i used a darkroom was two years ago, and i've never operated a 4x5 camera before. one of the guys in my group wouldn't even touch the camera at first, saying it made him nervous. (i later found out he was a military recruit, and i couldn't help but think, if the camera made him nervous, what more a gun?)
I have arrived at a time when I see versions of my young self in younger people. Like Marife, for example. I like to tell her that she is my karma for some serious mistakes I made in my former life. But I only tease. People in their 20s are so exotic to me! And even on a bad day, Marife’s youth is a diversion. I don’t feel guilty that she left the NBDB to come to Drink with me. Do I worry if I am a good role model to this Bright Young Thing? Sometimes. I do acknowledge that I took away interesting and useful epiphs from even the most screwed up adults I knew so I hope even my mistakes are useful. I think I was a bit late in getting the hang of things, of life, of myself. Even now I'm not always so sure-footed. So surely, Marife will be alright?